Here is a brainstorming list of all the Jesuses of the Catholicist Nation. Organizing and defining is in process. It is intended to be comprehensive. For your input please email me. Go to the Preface for this List
Aggressive Jesus Alien Visitor From Space Jesus All Pervasive All Through The Universe And In All Things Jesus Allah Jesus American Jesus American Dream Jesus Anarchy Jesus Anti-Christ Jesus Anything Goes Jesus Aristocrat Jesus Astrological Sun God Jesus Attenuated Jesus Augustus Jesus Authoritarian Jesus Avatar Jesus Baal Jesus Bastard Offspring of a Raped Teenager Jesus Beer-Drinking Buddy Jesus Big Butter Jesus Big Game Jesus Black Jesus Blond Blue-Eyed Jesus Blue Collar Jesus Buddhist Jesus Buffet Jesus Burning Man Jesus Butler Jesus Caesar Jesus Calvinist Jesus Capitalist Jesus Captain Jesus Caricature Jesus Carpenter's Son Jesus Catholic Jesus 1 Celebrity Jesus Charismatic Jesus Christmas and Easter Jesus that you have a right to talk about during the season Christian Scientist Jesus Civil Religion Jesus Classic Christianity Jesus Clean-Cut Well-Groomed Upright Jesus Codependent Jesus Communist Jesus Compliant Jesus Condemnatory Jesus Confused Jesus Conservation Minded Environmentally Sensitive Jesus Conservative Jesus Conspiracy Theory Jesus Consumerist Jesus Contemporary Jesus Cool Nonthreatening Jesus of the postmodern church where pastors wear Hawaiian shirts, provocative art covers the walls, and bongos are played in the worship band Copilot Jesus Corporate Jesus Cosmic Jesus Crusading Jesus Cult Jesus Culturally Relevant Jesus Customized Jesus Cybele Jesus Cynic Sage Jesus Darwinism Jesus Dead Jesus Demiurge Jesus Democrat Jesus Demon Jesus Dictator Jesus Disneyland Jesus Doctor Jesus Domesticated Jesus Dominionist Jesus Drill Sergeant Jesus Eastern Mystic Jesus Elitist Eastern Establishment Jesus Elvis Jesus Emergent Church Jesus Equivocating Jesus Ethnically Pleasing Jesus Evil Jesus Evil Twin Jesus Evolving Jesus Exhaustive Immersion in Religious Busywork Jesus Existential Jesus Expedient Jesus Extraterrestrial Jesus Facebook Jesus Fancy Painting Jesus Fantasy Jesus Fashionable Jesus Fear Mongering Jesus Feminine Jesus Financial Manager Jesus Fine Practitioner Jesus Fixer-Upper Jesus Flower Child Jesus Furious Jesus Gaia Jesus Galilean Holy Man Jesus Gay Jesus Genie Jesus Genius Jesus Gladiator Jesus Globalist Jesus Gnostic Jesus God Club Jesus Goddess Jesus Good Prophet Jesus Good Teacher Jesus Grand Sez Who Jesus Great Moral Example Jesus Great Spirit in the Sky Jesus Great Swami Jesus Guru Jesus Haloed Jesus Hero Jesus Highly Ethical Jesus Hindu Jesus Hip Jesus Hip Hop Jesus Historical Jesus Homeless Charismatic Jesus Homosexual Jesus Humanist Jesus Iconic Jesus Imperial Jesus Impoverished Jesus Incrementalist Approach Jesus Insane Jesus Inspirational Jesus who's good enough just with what he said Islamic Jesus Jefferson's Bible Jesus Jehovah’s Witness Jesus Jesus among the many gods as one who can get me what I want that he can and the others can't Jesus as one of the gods in the great pantheon of gods "Jesus Christ Show" Jesus Jesus H. Christ on a Bicycle Jesus Jesus in an eternal Celebrity Death Match with Satan Jesus in the stained glass window Jesus married to Mary Magdalene and hidden from the world by sinister secret societies Jesus of color Jesus of my interpretive community Jesus of my world view Jesus of the agnostic Jesus of the atheist Jesus of the bitter ex-Christian Jesus of the codependent 2 Jesus of the essentials of the historic Christian faith Jesus of the ethnocentric Jesus of the generally good person anyway Jesus of the naturalist Jesus of the one who habitually screams "Jesus Christ" when something bad happens Jesus of the one who trusts merely in family, friends, and reflexive self Jesus of the perennial victim Jesus of the subjectivist Jesus of those insisting “I don’t have a Jesus” Jesus of those outraged that one would presume they would even care about Jesus, much less "have" a Jesus Jesus of those who proudly proclaim themselves above all such superstitions like Jesus Jesus of those who really knew who he was, like the Essenes Jesus stuck in a country-western song for added emotional effect Jesus that is just the Great Cosmic Oneness we're all part of Jesus that is one of the thousands who say they are really Jesus but are just mentally ill Jesus that should stay in church where he belongs Jesus to get warm feelings about because he's in the news or being talked about a lot Jesus to put off believing in until the time you decide to shape up Jesus up there in the air somewhere who sports stars point to after accomplishing some splendid athletic feat Jesus useful for rationalizing all kinds of things Jesus who can't possibly be real because so many previous ancient major religious cults had Jesus figures just like him with exactly the same details about their lives as he had in his Jesus who couldn't possibly put poor innocent people into hell because he's supposed to love Jesus who is just some religion's main guy Jesus who is the married founder of a large family whose descendents live on in anonymity while pursuing a goddess religion Jesus who just got all his stuff from the Zoroastrians Jesus who kept secrets that only the enlightened few may know Jesus who kicks butt for the U.S. of A. Jesus who never answered questions but only asked them so you could think for yourselves 3 Jesus who really feels that one's individual free and full sexual expression is just no big deal Jesus who speaks to the culture Jesus who tolerates all religions and ideas and points of view Jesus who when he returns will only come for me and my church (with the exception of a few I know) Jesus who's just Mithras rehashed for more popular consumption Jesus who's really upset with those horrible government people who aren't in my party or ideology Jesus whose stories make for great television entertainment Jesuses of the henotheist 4 Jesuses of the pluralist John Galt Jesus Judaist Jesus Judas Jesus Just Jesus and Only Jesus (that is, the Jesus without dogma) Just Some Religion's Main Guy Jesus Kickin' Ass Jesus Las Vegas Jesus Law Abiding Jesus Leader of the Rebellion Jesus Leadership Empowerment Motivational Jesus Legendary Jesus Liberal Jesus Libertarian Jesus Libertine Jesus Lifestyle Jesus Light-Switch Jesus Lohasian Jesus 5 Lucifer Jesus Magician Jesus Mainstream Jesus Mainstream Media's Anointed Jesus that is okay for us all to think about Man Who Really Looks and Acts Like Jesus Marduk Jesus Marginal Jew Jesus Marxist Jesus Masonic Jesus Materialism Jesus Media Darling Jesus Merely Human Jesus Merovingian Blood Line Jesus Militant Jesus Monastic Jesus Mormon Jesus Movie Jesus My Denomination's Jesus My Own Comfortable Conception of God Jesus My Very Own Jesus Mystical Peasant Jesus Name-It Claim-It Jesus New Age Jesus New York Times Jesus No One Can Really Know Jesus Jesus Non-Conformist for the Sake of Non-Conformity Jesus Nouveau Jesus Obsequious Jesus Occult Jesus Old-Time Religion Jesus Oprah Jesus Orthodox Jesus Our Jesus Overly Sensitive Jesus Own Personal Jesus Pacifist Jesus Paramedic Jesus Patriot Jesus Pentecostal Jesus Personal Coach Jesus Personality Cult Jesus Pimping Jesus Pithy Saying Jesus Polite Jesus Pop Culture Jesus Popular Jesus Populist Jesus Postmodern Jesus President Jesus Proletariat Rebel Jesus Promise Keepers Jesus Protestant Jesus Psychedelic Jesus Purpose-Driven Jesus Radical Jesus Rambo Jesus Reclusive Jesus Reconstructionist Jesus Regency Jesus Republican Jesus Respectable Jesus Revolutionary Jesus Rock Star Jesus Roman Jesus Safe Jesus Santa Claus Jesus Satirized Jesus Science Jesus Seventh Day Adventist Jesus Social Network Jesus Socially Active Radical Jesus Socratic Jesus Soft Cuddly Jesus Sol Invictus (Invisible Sun God) Jesus Sophisticated Cosmopolitan Jesus Special Creation of God Jesus, not quite God himself but very very special indeed Stuffy Churchly Jesus Stylized Jesus Suffering Jesus Super Hero Jesus Superman Jesus Superstar Jesus Svengali Jesus Syncretist Jesus Talking Head Jesus Taoist Jesus Tebow-Time Jesus Teddy Bear Jesus Television News Anchorman Jesus That Jesus the agents of Cain labor ceaselessly to promote in order to keep as many from the Real One as they can The Man Upstairs Jesus The Only Thing That Matters Is Love Jesus 6 The Right Reverend Jesus Therapist Jesus Thrill-Seeker Jesus Touchdown Jesus! Traditional Jesus Trendy Jesus Trinity Broadcasting (TBN) Jesus Unappeasable Jesus Universalist Jesus Unknown Superior Jesus Utilitarian Jesus Web-Centered "Reality" Jesus Western Civilization Hegemony Jesus "What-ever" Jesus White Jesus White Supremacist Nation Jesus Who is Jesus? Jesus Wholly Other Ethereal Jesus Wiccan Jesus Wicked Priest Jesus Widely Merchandised Jesus Wimpy Jesus With-It Jesus Woodstock Jesus Yoist Jesus 7 Your Own Jesus
Who then is the real Jesus?
Can’t say — if I did I’d be liable to make another Jesus. You’ll have to find out about Him for yourself.
For those who can't resist, take a peek here.
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1 Many Jesuses are included in the Catholic Jesus conception. They include the Jesus that is Mary, the Sacred Heart Jesus, the Jesus that is the Priest, the Jesus that is the Mother Superior, the Jesus that is the Patron Saint, the Christmas Baby Jesus, the Liberating the Poor Through Revolution Jesus, the Jesus Hanging Lifeless on the Cross, the Eucharistic Jesus in a Wafer, the Painfully Disappointed Jesus, the White Statue Jesus, the Jesus Whose Image Forms on the Window When the Light Hits It Just Right, the Pope Jesus, and the Father General Jesus — also listed here as the Unknown Superior Jesus.
This page was originally posted by David Beck at yourownjesus.net on November 13, 2004 |